As of this Thursday, we will be 28 weeks (7 months) pregnant. This has been a long time goal of ours because, as our high-risk doctor puts it, you reach "take home" viability. It seems so odd to me that during my first pregnancy, I would have never worried about not actually taking our baby home. And now, I am obsessed with it. That is what experience gives you though, aside from a new respect for life, it gives you a fear like you had never known before. So every step you take, every milestone you reach, is like a hesitant breath. You want to take a sigh of relief but you can't because you know there is still so much that can happen.
I think people who have not experienced the loss of child don't totally understand this kind of anxiety. If you mention something on facebook about your worry, generally, people who have not shared the experience give you answers like "it will be ok this time" and "don't worry, you'll be fine". Those who know what it is like however, will encourage you through each moment. Reminding you to take things one step and a time, because they know that there is not a guarantee and they won't try to promise you that there is one. And I do not wish more people understood how I felt, because that means they too would have had to have suffered this kind of loss. I only mention it here because I feel like other people who are going through a subsequent pregnancy after loss can relate. If you have really understanding or empathetic friends, hold on to those people. You will need them to keep you strong. And if you are fortunate enough to have a great family support system, that really helps the anxiety too.