26 Weeks and 6 Days

Sometimes, I can't believe that I am still pregnant. That I am still carrying this little miracle inside of me. That might sound odd, coming from someone who isn't even 30 weeks pregnant yet, but for me every week I gain is a new goal accomplished. I remember distinctly when the doctor's told me that if I could hold off giving birth until 28 weeks, Jack would have a much better chance at survival. He would have had to face challenges, but he would have had a better chance. And now, I sit here almost 27 weeks pregnant with Owen thinking, "wow, I've almost made it to 7 months pregnant, he might just be ok".

That is the hardest thing about a rainbow pregnancy. You are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the moment when you get bad news and it's all over. The anxiety is overwhelming and at times, depressing. Because all you want in your heart is to be happy, but your mind is constantly reminding you of what could go wrong. It's enough to keep you up at night, that's for sure.

But, I read a really good book about pregnancy after loss where each person gave their account of their loss, and then followed it with their story of hope. (It's called Journey's: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss). It was inspiring and reassuring that good things do happen. And then I am a part of a group of women on facebook, who provide me support and encouragement everyday and I am so thankful for them. So I have been trying to find ways to stay positive, even when it's hard. I think I will breathe a little easier once we get to 28 weeks. We won't be "in the clear" or anything, but at least we'll have made it that far.

Our 26 Week Check Up

Today we had our 26 week check up with Dr. Finazzo and we also did our one hour glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. The test went well and was not as bad as I thought it would be, aside from just being very hungry since you're not supposed to eat anything ahead of time. I drank the orange flavored glucose syrup and it really just tasted like flat pop. Our visit was good with the Doctor. We talked about how I keep getting infections which is normal for someone who has a cerclage in place, and I showed him my hives which he diagnosed as PUPP. PUPP stands for Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy, which is essentially an extremely itchy rash that won't be going away until the baby is born. For more information about this fun new pregnancy symptom, click here. I don't mean to sound sarcastic but I was really caught off guard by the whole thing. I had never heard of PUPP before and I am seriously considering creating a brochure for teenage girls "So you think you want to be pregnant?".

At any rate, we won't find out our results for the glucose test until mid next week due to the holiday and the lab being closed. So keep your fingers crossed for us. We go back in two weeks, right before Jack's birthday. And then the following Tuesday (Jack's angelversary) we have both our first Non-Stress Test and our first Parenting Class. I plan to be a hot mess at both. I might even get a shirt made for the day to people understand why I am spontaneously bursting out into tears. Unfortunately, we don't have any other option for either appointment because the class has a set schedule and that was the only slot left for the NST. It will be interesting, that's for sure.

So that's all for now, I will update everyone once we find out our glucose results. Thanks for reading, as always.

A New Blog for Our New Rainbow

Firstly, I'd like to thank Franchesca Cox at Smallbird Studio's for working with me to design this beautiful blog. She did a fantastic job and she offers a special discount to bereaved families which I thought was really generous. If you have a moment, please visit the link on the bottom right of the page to see her other work in honor of her sweet daughter.

Secondly, welcome to my new blog! I wanted a place where I could write about being pregnant with our rainbow baby because it really is a different experience. I plan to share photos here, to continue with my poetry and to continue with the path of healing. I do not intend to stop writing in my blog for Jack, but I plan to keep that blog focused just on him. He deserves his own space and really, Searching for Jack has always been his and always will be.

I hope that you enjoy this new space and will continue to read as Owen's story unfolds for us.

Yours,